...so i touched it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
