Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
