His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
