idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
