is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
