I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
