he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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