i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
