nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
