I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
