Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize