it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
