Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
