I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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