I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
