i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize