You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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