Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
