oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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