i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
