she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize