I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
