You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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