I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
