Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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