I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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