My sheets look like a crime scene.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
