he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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