i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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