If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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