Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
