ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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