I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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