Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
