i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
