people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
