I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
