So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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