I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
