Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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