you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
