What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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