So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
