Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
