dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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