Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
