dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
