Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
