so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
