I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
