Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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