Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
