Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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