Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I smell like Dick and happiness
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