I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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