Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
