Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
