I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
