Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
