he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
