Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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