Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
