i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
